i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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