My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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