so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
