I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
