dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
