Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
