So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
