WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
