I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
