I have demons in me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
