Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
