The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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