SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
