You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
