You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you didnt know i had herpes?
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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