He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
