I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And then he peed in my hair
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