I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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