I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
