Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
