hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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