i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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