Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drake has all the answers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
