I accidentally had phone sex last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
