gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
