where am i from again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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