she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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