Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
