I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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