Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
soo... how was my night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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