I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
