Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

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(503): View more from Oregon

we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."

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(985): View more from Louisiana

she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.

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(765): View more from Indiana

he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.

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(210): View more from Texas

"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!

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(361): View more from Texas

At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...

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