I'm so fucking centered right now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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