She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
