even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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