I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
