I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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