Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
