my phone needs a breathalizer
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
