i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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