You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
