in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
