I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
