dude i'm inner monologue high
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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