This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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