if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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