Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
