that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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