Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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