Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
