what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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