nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
