u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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