I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
