Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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