Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
