i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
