I bet he comes in French.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
