So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
