I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
