i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
