I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
