Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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